Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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