you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
