I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize