Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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