Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
