I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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