FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
