Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
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He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
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So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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