Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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