I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
