He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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