Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
