the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
