I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
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My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
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Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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