Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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