Got a toothbrush?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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