We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
