God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize