we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
