isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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