Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
