im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize