Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
