Swine flu. Run for my life!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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