We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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