I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
