shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
