I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
