Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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