Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
