there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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