mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize