you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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