You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i would punch a child for taco bell
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize