I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
