you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
