Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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