WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
