i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You're completely useless in the revolution.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
