Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
