doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
