oh god the rape fog is back!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
do nipples grow back?
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