I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
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he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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