You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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