you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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