i already hear my dad disowning me
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
