I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
