fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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