you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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