I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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