I'm passing your future prison.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
