bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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