You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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