He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize