Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just want nice things and good sex
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
