if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
