she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
