The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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