Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize